if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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