can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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