I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
