A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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