go do what you do best...puke behind churches
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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