I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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