omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
