I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
