Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
