So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
