You're completely useless in the revolution.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
