Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
