I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
