Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize