I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
