She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
