apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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