its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His nipple licking is glorious
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