oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
