she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
