I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
