My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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