SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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