His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
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Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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