i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
