I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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