Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
