yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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