I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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