So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize