the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
