You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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