I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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