I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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