It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am naked and annoyed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
