a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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