You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
