Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
