Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She announced her abortion via fbk
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
