Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
