She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
