She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
