do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
