every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
