she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We need to rekindle our bromance
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
