btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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