he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
