What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
