So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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