We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
