hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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