I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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