You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
