didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
