The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
