you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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