some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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