Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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