I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
