they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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