matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
