I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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