I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
