I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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