At least make sure they are 18
Why
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
